I hope you are the one I share my life with
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Friday, August 29, 2008
I shall just blog about today first, before anything else.
I am really very very disappointed in myself today.
It's a really lousy day for me.
Everything don't seems to go well for me today. A really horrible day for me.
I barely slept the night before, at the chalet. But I've no choice. I rushed home early in the morning, changed etc and headed down to school. Today had AGM and sad to say I'm not one of the excos. I never expected to be in the excos too, for various reasons. I don't absolutely fancy the positions, as I understand and know that it's too political. But somehow I don't feel that good to actually know that a certain person got a position and yet I didn't.
I'm confused. Cause I know I kind of want to get in but somehow don't feel like getting in cause of various reasons. I shall just list some of them. want: It's like a recognition for all the achievements and contributions, It's fun and interesting with my friends... Don't want: It's very political, I want to concentrate on my studies, It's very time consuming and I would want to have more free time for myself, my friends, and of course my boyfriend...
In any way, I just wanna congratulate those who got in and I hope they will do well and live up to the standard of SIT club.
Okay, so I met Zengyi after that, things were alright at first. Even though I was rather moody but I'm glad that he was there. We managed to spend sometime alone together then meet up with his friends.
We headed down to marina square for dinner and yea this was when it happened.
Somehow, I'm really very disappointed in myself. I don't understand how can let such a thing happen. I shouldn't have been so lazy and should have bothered more to actually throw it away long time ago. I should have been more considerate and thought how would you have felt. I'm sorry dear.
I really feel that I'm a lousy girlfriend.
This is the first time that you're like this to me.
I've never seen you being so upset about me before.
Actually, I don't know whether you're upset, angry, jealous or what... Cause I really can't figure out and you're not telling me directly.
I think I'm really very stupid. :(
You know you really scare me, I'm really frightened and shocked by yr reaction.
Frightened till I can't help but cry.
I'm frightened cause you're not talking to me, I don't know what are you thinking and how are you feeling. And most importantly, I don't want to lose you.
I am shocked cause I never thought that you would be angry until like this. But somehow I sat down and thought through and I kind of feel a bit glad. Cause actually through this, I got to know you actually do care a lot about me. This is the first time I can see and feel that I matter to you. I don't know how to describe. Even though you do show concern, you do say you miss me, you do tell me stuffs like I mean something to you but these are just words so I can't really know how you feel. It's just different, cause you actually mean alot alot to me, far more than you can imagine. But all along I can't help but think that I'm the only one feeling that way, cause you always have no reaction towards some things that I do and say.
For example... You know I put my status as in a relationship with serene, it is a bit cause for the fun out of it but my main purpose was to see your reaction. But sad to say, I never get any. I actually hoped that you will say something like why I put serene in a relationship with me and how about you.. I hoped that you will say you want me to put in a relationship with you. Or maybe write at serene's or mine wall, saying that I'm yours.
Do I expect alot?
I don't know. You know I do wanna put in a relationship with you cause it means alot to me but I don't know whether you want anot and will you like it anot.
Even though you did put our photos up and I'm happy about that but it's still different.
Anyway, I wanna tell you that those neoprints really don't mean anything anymore. It never meant anything at all since the day you stepped into my life, the day you entered my life. Cause you mean so much more to me, you mean the world to me.
Those neoprints belongs to my past and he and it can only remain in the past, nothing more than that. However, you're different, you're my present and I definitely hope my future too. I really don't wish that my past is affecting us, cause I really don't want to lose you.
I really really like you more than you think of. Although the time we get together isn't very long but somehow you're really very special to me. You're definitely irreplaceable to me. May be I guess you wouldn't and can't believe what I've just said, but I really do mean what I've said.
I just can't sleep, even though I'm feeling really tired. I really miss you. You know when you ask me to go home, I felt really sad and I really want to stay but I don't know what to say. It's like a knife stabbed into my heart, it felt as though you didn't want me anymore. I don't want you to feel that I'm very clingy to you, like a burden to you so I thought may be I should give you some time alone, cause may be you will need it.
I started tearing as I walked away and somehow hoped that you will come grab hold of me. I felt really miserable and upset with myself. I didn't feel like going home at all. I wanted to go out but don't know why, happens that all the people I called didn't pick up the phone. At that point of time I was very selective in terms of who I call so yupp.
I hang around esplanade for a little while then left for home. You know I've said it before that at this time and situation, you can't leave me alone.....
I really do want to meet you today but I won't force you. I really want to talk to you but I'll wait till you want to talk to me.
Baby I really need you and I hope you need me as much too.
I'm sorry.
sealed with a kiss
11:34 PM
clarissawee.
o6o490 (:
fairsian. nanyang poly :)
I'm someone who is simply captivated by beautiful and pretty things..
Fascinated with all the sweet and wonderful things around me like chocolates and flowers..
I adore my friends and time spent with all my dearest..
I enjoy RETAIL THERAPY..
Wanting to live life to the fullest by enjoying every moment and experiencing the best..
This blog is a place where i pen down my thoughts and share about my daily lives and as time goes by it allows me to keep it as a memory.(:
